"I'm Offended"

Recently I did something kind for someone. Let's call her Alice. I wanted to throw a party for Alice because I love her. So I enlisted the help of some other women who love Alice. We did this for Alice. I handed out the invitations at church, and of course gave one to Alice's daughter.

I received a phone call later that day from Alice's daughter, named Sharon, who told me she was "highly offended" that I would do this for Alice and not tell her. Mind you, I am doing the thing for Alice because I wanted to do something for ALICE. Alice does not live with her daughter. Her daughter has no time or ability to do this for Alice, so I stepped in and did it. BECAUSE I LOVE ALICE.

Sharon went on and on explaining how offended she was that she wasn't told about the party in advance.

Obviously, I apologized for my not telling her in advance, but I also said that I would never have been offended by someone doing something for my mom and not telling me. It just wouldn't offend me since I was going to be invited and I didn't have to do any of the work! Yes! GO ahead and do it and keep me out of it! That way I can enjoy the party and not have to bear the burden of doing it. 
But apparently, I am cut from different cloth.

Anyways, I was thinking about it afterwards because of course I was REALLY upset that she could call me and tell me how much I hurt her by not telling her and how I was wrong to not tell her, etc. etc. etc. I felt betrayed and unappreciated. But then my husband said, "You did nothing wrong. She is feeling guilty."  And you know what? He is RIGHT. Her guilt for not doing anything, for not throwing the party herself, for how it might look to others that she isn't doing it, HER GUILT caused her 'offense'. She wasn't offended....she was cut by her own guilt, and she doesn't even know it.

Such is guilt. We hate the way it feels, and most of the time we immediately try to deflect it to someone or something else. We are ashamed, but we don't want to feel that the problem is actually internal, so we find a scapegoat.

I am not offended easily.  I just almost never am offended. Because I take what people say to heart and examine myself to see if their words were warranted. If not, then I forgive them and move on. If so, then I try to change.

But to be "easily offended" is not the pattern of Christ. It is the pattern of self-justification, of being better than those around you, of being perfect (or at least thinking you are). 

I have decided that people are more precious to me than my feelings. I would rather not be offended, and assume the best in everyone. I would rather think that they love me, that they don't want to hurt me, and that maybe they just unintentionally messed up. So I let it go, and move on.

When you are offended and feel the need to tell someone, look inside before telling them how much they upset you. Because chances are, it was unintentional, they didn't mean to upset you, and you are going to hurt them with your assumptions that they intentionally hurt you. 

YOU WILL DO MORE HARM BY CONFRONTING SOMEONE, TELLING THEM THEY OFFENDED YOU, THAN YOU WILL BY SWALLOWING YOUR LUMPY PRIDE AND GETTING OVER YOURSELF.

Be like Christ. Forgive. Don't hold negative thoughts about others. Swallow your pride. And get over yourself.

<3
Rachael